I have questioned the direction of my life for as long as I can remember. Early on, I tried several paths for work (mainly in the arts and service) but I never became entirely defined by any one passion. I always loved seeking out adventure and new experiences, but I had a hard time making a choice when I wanted to try everything. Each new interest provided great ambition, but there was always a distraction holding me back.
Around three years ago, I began an in-depth search for my true purpose. Since then, I found myself being involved with the Celestine Mission. 🙂
I want to say first how thankful I am for my dad, James Redfield, and the way he loves to teach. So many of my life lessons came directly from his words. Now, that being said, I have also had to learn in my own “vibrant” way. (Type 7 on the Enneagram scale.) I can see all of the Synchronicity that existed in the pain of my failures and how these setbacks opened me up to another level of myself. Within it all, I believe I have found the direction for my life.
A New Beginning
Adult life came with some unexpected challenges. I quickly married my high school sweetheart and set off on a wild (joining of our homes) journey at 22. I could write 500 pages to explain those ten years.. but two beautiful little girls later, we decided to end our marriage when I was 32.
Having just finalized my divorce, I was left feeling empty and frightened for my security and independence. I felt angry and guilty, but I also felt a deep, paralyzing grief. There are a million other truths I could share here, and maybe I will one day, but the short story is that I felt lost. I figured I had a choice. I could continue to live in sadness, or I could find my strength and make some big changes in my life.
I can remember my Dad saying to me, “You are not supposed to be unhappy like this, you must work to find your spiritual connection. You are supposed to have a life of abiding joy.” Soon after our talk I felt an urge to read my Dad’s book again, The Celestine Prophecy, for the first time since college.
After I finished reading Celestine, I became more motivated than ever to get my life back on track, find my connection and seek out my purpose. After my divorce was final, my Dad pressed me to find my way to a fulfilling life. Just like that, I made the decision to work as hard as I could to create happiness in my life. I tried to be open to anything God brought my way. I was currently working as a photographer and raising my sweet baby girls, but I felt there was a different career direction for myself.
I brainstormed a hundred different options; I thought about everything from opening up a health-food store, illustrating a children’s book and teaching Yoga. It was during this time that I began to “really” talk to my Dad. I was honest with him about the pain I experienced in my marriage and my other relationships. I also asked him many questions and tried to understand his perspective with further depth.