A Deeper Look At The Intimidator Control Drama
The Intimidator is the most aggressive type of “Control Drama” where the user tries to scare you into deferring to their control in the relationship. Thus, this is the most dangerous of manipulation devices since some Intimidator’s resort to violence to ensure that the game works.
You know when you are relating to an Intimidator when you sense an air of aggression in another’s demeanor and attitude. This person has usually grown up in an environment where he could not gain energy in his early childhood in any other way.
As with the other games, one should be as honest as possible with the Intimidator, and find subtle ways to “name the game.” Wise judgment and care for your safety should be used. Sometimes an Intimidator will be found in a relationship with a Poor Me, who has learned to argue back only passively by guilt tripping or pleading. This is often the core dynamic, which makes people stay in relationships that are verbally abusive or violent. In these cases, leaving the relationship and seeking shelter somewhere else may be the only option.
Our species have struggled with the “seven sins,” for longer than the clock has ticked. And it seems to me that these negative behaviours all have two things in common: they are triggered by trauma and rooted in Fear. When something happens that we can’t rationally compute, fear sets in, and it can morph into […]
If we think of Life as an ocean, and ourselves as water particles existing within it, I think it’s easy to imagine how we are all actually one. The energy of Life carries us along; sometimes it’s rough with us, sometimes it’s soothingly calm – at times, we’ll get pulled down by undercurrents into complete […]
The door closes. They are gone. That part of your life is now in the past, and the one you loved is yours no more. Sometimes, a break-up will be filled with immediate relief (mostly, it will be filled with sadness) but this scenario has the potential to tear your heart from your chest and […]
As I look back at my pattern of growth, it seems like I always start with the First Insight. The Restlessness seems to knock me out of my Synchronistic flow and then into a state of confusion, filled with unknowing and a lack of inspiration. Getting back into the flow is as easy as staying […]
As Autumn and I were discussing her article, Letting Go of Anger in Relationships, we realized how much it resonated with my own relationship. Our stories may all be slightly or even totally different, but we can all relate to each other once we have an understanding of how we compete for energy. I think […]
Relationships…When they are healthy and balanced, they can be life-giving and energizing. A supportive relationship, founded in love, whether it is romantic or friendship based, can offer an invigorating level of companionship and life-long support. In a balanced relationship, energy and is given back and forth, and grows — uplifting both people into their highest creativity. […]
We’ve all been there. We have a friend, loved one, partner or co-worker who starts complaining about how life has dealt them some pretty rotten hands. They go on and on. They’re inconsolable. We may care and want to help them, but we may find ourselves needing space from their constant pessimism and complaining, which […]
As we start to understand that “Control Dramas” exist, we can further enhance our awareness of these behaviors displayed by others and ourselves. In this way, we can take the steps to transcend and interpret them on a much deeper level, both spiritually and psychologically. People seek to control others. It can be seen that […]
The Community Radio Show 2/23/15 “Workplace Relationships” We are all learning to benefit from our Spiritual Connection, which means we can “Solve our Problems and Reach our Dreams” in a near miraculous manner! But to do so, we must cultivate our flow of Synchronicity and Intuition and maximize the ordinary moments in life. This is […]
One of my favorite books, The Celestine Prophecy, introduced me to the idea of Control Dramas, of which there are four (Intimidator, Interrogator/Critic, Aloof, and Poor Me). There are frequent questions about the Control Dramas, how to recognize them, and most importantly, how to step out of the drama. All these questions have prompted me […]