A Deeper Look At The Interrogator Control Drama
More aggressive personality is the Interrogator “Control Drama.” You know when you run into this style of manipulation because you suddenly feel criticized, and begin to monitor your actions so that you feel less vulnerable. Usually, the person playing such a game has learned to put someone down (sometimes under the disguise of being helpful) to seize control of the relationship. Subtle criticizing forces the other person to lose confidence, and begin to look at themselves through the eyes of the Interrogator, and so, giving them power and energy.
Manipulative comments by an Interrogator could be about appearance: “Don’t you feel a bit under-dressed at this occasion.” Or behavior: “I can’t believe you said that.” Or intelligence: “You really aren’t smart enough to compete in that job.” It could be any manner of criticism. Ultimately, it is all about throwing the other person off balance so they will defer leadership in the relationship to the Interrogator.
Again, this moves all the energy of the larger joined mind of the two, and all the good feelings and security it produces, into the consciousness of the perpetrator. To the victim, it feels like an immediate diminishment and a loss of well-being. How do you transcend this Interrogator game and bring the sharing of the joined mind into balance?
Do not shout, or run away. Stay connected and do not use another “Control Drama.” Name the game by authentically expressing exactly how you are feeling, “Every time I’m around you, I feel criticized.” This will immediately collapse the manipulation as the Interrogator has to move toward authenticity and deal with your feelings.
The first response you will probably hear is that you are wrong. Hold fast to your beliefs, and maintain your new-found strength. The goal here, as before, is to not become an Interrogator or an Aloof yourself, nor to try moving all the energy over to yourself in order to deflate the person.
Even if the Interrogator never admits the game, your remark will stay with the person. And if others follow your example and expose the manipulation at other times, the person will, hopefully, get it then. If after discussing the situation openly, you find you were wrong, perhaps too sensitive, or the comments from the other were not a game at all but were actually meant to be helpful, then you have done what was necessary to bring your relationship into authentic truth and growth.
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