WHO’S IN CHARGE?
The proverbial light bulb went off unexpectedly one night as I was lying in bed, alone.
My husband had once again fallen asleep on the couch. The Cold War showed no signs of resolve. Instantly, some questions popped into my head. I recognized this voice; it was Intuition.
“Why does he have such power over you? Isn’t this supposed to be a compromise? Why do you let him push you to such anger?”
Power. There was that word again.
I wanted to be in control of my emotions, but with every disagreement, I would lose myself and react to him with anger.
Who is really in charge here? Has the discord in my home been nothing more than a Control Drama playing itself out? If this is true, it was playing us, too. We had started out as a team, full of enlightened inspiration for one another. We were in tune and gave each other boundless energy. Our connection was life-giving. What had happened to it? We had given it up so willingly, so easily, in pursuit of selfish things. We could no longer receive Synchronistic thoughts for one another. We had no energy left for that.
It finally became clear that night that I could be a loving wife and still stand my ground. I could speak my truth without being invested in how he felt about it. I could let him react…without reacting. He was, after all, his own person, right? If I intended to express my truth, then it was only fair to allow him to express his, in a safe, non-judgmental place. Neither one of us truly has any control over the other. We are free beings who have willingly entered into this agreement together. We only have the ability to make choices and control our reactions as each person lives out their own truth. Even if my husband is having a bad day or irritated with me in one way or another, I now know I cannot force him to be happier or to see my perspective instantly. I can let him be human, give him the grace to grow, and be there for him when he is ready to talk. I can choose to remain true to myself and remove myself from the power struggle that is occurring inside of him, recognizing that, sometimes, his internal conflict has nothing to do with me.
TAKING BACK THE REINS – IT STARTS WITH ME
I decided, after receiving the gift of intuitive clarity – that I had to start seeing my husband in a different way. He was not a knight in armor, nor was he God. My love for him allowed me to see him finally for what he was – human. He was not sent here to rescue me or to agree with everything I say. He is living one day at a time, just as I am.
Loving another, finding compassion for another is hard. I believe it is a love that comes from within, and sometimes you have to be the first to extend the olive branch. Sometimes you have to shed the anger, relinquish the power and give love first. The answer to letting go of anger is, and always will be, love.