Caring or something else?

[Theressa]

Hi Friends,

I need a little insight from you:

I am in a relationship that I've been taking slowly. We talked for five weeks and then we met up a few times now. In the past I was in a relationship charcterised by control.

Okay here goes:

My boyfriends father is ill and his mother and the rest of the family are finding it very stressful. I asked the spiritual church if they'd send healing to the family. I told my boyfriend and he said "thanks". Am I being
co-dependent or controlling doing this?

My boyfriend was very anxious about his exams the other week so I sent him some distance healing. I told him he said "thanks". Am I being
co-dependent?

You see I am learning to care but not control. To be kind but not overly focused on others. So, is the above caring or controlling?

Whenever I do something like the above I begin to explain myself to my boyfriend such as I asked for the spiritual healing because his dad came into my mind. Then I begin to feel silly. Like I am making a big deal out of nothing.

I wish I could just be kind and not worry about whether or not its
co-dependency.

I hope those that know me will understand why I feel the need to check this out with you friends.

Love
Theressa

[Heidisb]

Hi Theressa, why would you think that you were controlling. Asking for healing or sending distant healing to someone shows that you knew that another spirit or soul need a little help in their time of need. You didn't drag them along by their hair and make them have healing did you? A kind thought or action doesn't have to be either of what your asking, it's just one spirit connecting to another and sending out a loving thought. what you did was a kind thing, a loving thing,a caring thing.

Love and light,Heidix
_________________
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes.

[littlebird]

Hi Theressa,

I'm with Heidi, you just keep being your loving self, and the lucky man who winds up with you is gonna love you every step of the way!
_________________
God is Love

[GeneHrsy]

Hi T,
I think you are over anylizing. Love flows like a river ... let it flow.

Did you ask before sending healing, or, was it asked of you?

It seems to me that you are already projecting doubt into the relationship. See no doubt about your own intentions; then you may see the faith of his.
_________________
It Just Keeps Getting Better
Time is the measurement of humanity's Awakening to the True nature of Now.
Ever wonder what would happen if the whole world farted, then smiled at the same time??

[Ancientmind]

I would say that for me personally, I send energy to friends and family in need as well. However, I often do not tell them that I am doing it. It isn't something they can change or affect. All I would do is open myself to the opinions of others. Even the ones that I love the most. To me, opinions are one of mankinds biggest flaws. We do not need to have opinions, we should just follow our heart and do what is right by others.
_________________
Seek the truth and the truth will find you.

[Theressa]

Hi All,

Thanks a million. I didn't realise I was asking permission. But, I do now! I have been walking on egg shells haven't I. I am just trying to be so aware that I am not controlling him. But yes Ancient by keeping asking him is this okay, is that okay I am not being me.

Gene please expand on what you mean by projecting doubt?
Is it like projecting fear?

Little bird and the first person who posted whose name I cannot recall. Thank you.

To answer your questions. My partner has been telling me how frustrated and scared he is about his dad being ill and how much his mum is leaning on him. I just wanted to offer support. Not to affect anyones freewill or control I see that now.

I did not abandon my life or my dreams to offer these prayers. I am just learning to give sanely lol!!!

I am going to relax and just be me.

I think my partner has also at times been projecting doubt, thinking I might reject him when I hear for example, he's had a bad day. I told him "that's normal we all have them."

So, no more projecting doubt and second guessing myself. I am just conscious that I do not want to smoother him and over give. As you all know I find mothering so natural but it can become smothering if I am not careful. But, these days I am investing more in me so and thus, I am more balanced.

Thanks you guys and gals.

Love
Theressa

[michellepetkus]

Hi Theressa,

You are absolutely not being controlling because you are not trying to tell anyone what to do. Your blessings are done on their behalf for their best interests so there isn't any selfishness on your part which is what controlling really is. Wanting other people to act and live the way we want. Your prayers are more along the lines of unconditional love. I would however watch crossing the line into smothering or feeling responsible for healing others. We can send out hopes that they get physically better or feel emotionally better but once our prayer goes out the rest is up to them to allow it to happen. I have heard that one is suppose to ask permission of the subject before doing a healing as doing the healing might cross over into someones free will to be sick but in my opinion that is just more guilt. If someone is ready to pass on they will whether I send healing energy to them or not. It sounds to me like you are doing just fantastic. I have a feeling that when you initially send out your healing thoughts your heart is full of love but then you start to interprete your actions and that is why you start to get agitated about it. When that happens just tell yourself to stop. With practice you will break the habit of over analyzing your actions. Your friend is indeed lucky to have you.

Love,
Michelle

[GeneHrsy]

What a Beautiful day!

It is my experience that sending healing energy always works better when the subject is aware of the additional energy at their command. Other time I have had people get upset with the interference of the energy I send; they need to do it themselves.

My feeling about prayer is that it hovers near the aura of those we pray for and is there for them when they seek it. Like the Angels do. I do not always ask the subject if I may pray for them because it will not affect them unless they too seek the help.

Healing, to me, is more direct. I work in the body and mind of those I aid in healing. God/HolySpirit/Angels tend the spirits and guide anything my will does. It cannot be done without the help of the one being healed. The healee is as much the healer as the one who thinks they're the healer.

I have experienced a psychic who did nothing but scan me without permission. I did not like the feeling and would not choose to do it to another.

I have asked for and received prayers through this site that have made tremendous changes for the better in Judy's and my lives. This is the power we share here ... the blessings of Awareness of God's Love through the Creation of His Child - the Universe we are living in.


Namaste
Gene
_________________
It Just Keeps Getting Better
Time is the measurement of humanity's Awakening to the True nature of Now.
Ever wonder what would happen if the whole world farted, then smiled at the same time??

[Theressa]

Hi All,

I am aware that people choose to stay ill for a variety of reasons. The main one to be able to say NO and also to avoid facing the reality or it may be the only way they can get attention.

My father grew up in a home that was scary. He clung to his mother. His mother lost one of her children when they were very small. She spent alot of time in the spiritualist church. I imagine that my dad felt he had to cling to his mother since she was pretty distant and so he'd have to chase her kind of. His father was physically brutal. My father is death in one ear and partially death in the other. I believe this came about because it was unsafe for my father to hear the abuse and the scary stuff so at least if he could shut out the words they might affect him less. But, being locked in dark cupboards and kicked was harsh. He also lived with little to eat. His father was a racist and would stand at the gate and call black people. I think if I was a child I'd be petrified. My father developed a mental illness later in life. (bi-polar) I think in his home extremes were familiar. I think that my father escapes into another world since this one was too scary. HE never talks of his childhood.
My aunty told me all about my father's childhood and so did my nana and close friends who knew them.

For my father he finds it too hard to face the pain so he'd not want to get rid of the fantasies and mania. He enjoys seeing us smile when he buys us stuff. He buys love. This way he feels it ensures constant supply. But, when he comes down he begins to feel sadness that he had to do such a thing.

I know with my partner that the healing I sent him he agreed to. He is a reiki healer himself so he knows its power. His test it seems had questions on it that he'd not covered on his course. But, he got very close to the pass mark. He phoned me and I said "its okay to be disappointed and I just listened." I know he will work through his feelings in his own time and he will decide what to do next. I know no amount of reiki could make him have more knowledge than he had but, maybe it helped him be calmer? He told me when I sent healing when he first started the training that he felt calmer.

My friend died last summer and I sent prayers and healing to her soul. But, she still died. I knew that the goal was to heal her soul if it wanted to be healed and maybe made it easier for her to let go and pass over.

All my healing and prayers I end with saying "If this is for their highest good". So, if their soul uses the energy it will decide how and when that I know.

My partner is very capable of sorting his own life out and does do. Just as I am so, listening is just getting to know the other. I have no urge to go and sort it all for him. NOT that I could lol!!! As I know less about mortgages than he does.

I was tearful Michelle when you said "he is very lucky to have me." Sometimes I still fear rejection. I am so good at accepting others but, still fear that at any moment they might see my imperfection. My body is a biggy. The fact that sometimes my house is untidy when I am so busy. However, before he comes I tidy it. I still have some healing to do on me hey!!!

Thanks you guy and gals. I feel so accepted here.

Love
Theressa

[michellepetkus]

Hi Theressa,

Ah, well that makes sense now, that you fear rejection, for the reason why you begin to doubt and question your actions. Please do indeed send yourself some healing love because from where we all sit you are nothing but light and love and worthy of high honors. If you could only see yourself through our eyes Hugs and kisses.

Love,
Michelle

[GeneHrsy]

Hi Theressa,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I'm just going to address your fear.

The most beautiful (an I mean physical beauty) people are those that realize their inner beauty and let it shine through their being. You are Beautiful, Theressa. Never, never doubt this.

When I started dating Judy, she was repeatedly apologetic for her paraplegia. I told her each one of us has some handicap that we are overcoming. Some just wear it where all can see ... and are perhaps more honest because of it. Seeing how she deals with it every day teaches me so much. Although the fact that her legs don't work keeps us from doing a lot of the things we'd like to do, we make the best of the things we can do.
It is difficult for anyone outside to council you about your life and its feelings, so, only you, and your higher power, can decide what is best. I cannot say what your partner thinks, but I have always seen the beauty that shines from the essence of Judy ... the wheelchair just means I have to run to keep up with her ... ha ha

I was always a skinny kid, but when I hit 30 I got a nice spare tire for my birthday. I'm still 30 pounds over weight. I find TaiChi to be the best way to work it off ... a couple of tablespoons of cider vinegar each day helps too. But all people are different in their chemistry and isn't that what makes life exciting?

You have mentioned the size of your body a few instances, but each time you don't say if there is anything that you can do to change this. If it is something that you accept about yourself, then accept it and love it. If it is something that you can change and want to, then do it; with the joy that God gives you for life. It may be as simple as taking long walks together.

It sounds like you have met someone who accepts you as you are. It's up to you to let each other know what you want to change about yourselves. Then you can help each other achieve those desires together, in a loving, sharing way.

You seem to be letting Love happen ... good for you!
All we can do is give to each other ... and be thankful for whatever gift is given to us. You know all this though.

Let your smile be your guide.

Gene
_________________
It Just Keeps Getting Better
Time is the measurement of humanity's Awakening to the True nature of Now.
Ever wonder what would happen if the whole world farted, then smiled at the same time??

[Theressa]

Hi Gene, Hi Michelle, Hi All,

Gene I am attending the gym and the weight is coming off. My partner is also attending the gym and worries about his middle being bigger lol!! So, we have more in common lol!! He says to me Gosh I bet you think I eat alot and I say. "If you are hungry eat it doesn't bother me" So, I am feeling alot better and not so hung up on my body now.

We went further last night but not the whole stretch. Its all unfolding as a process. I think I just have to shut up the old chatterbox in my head lol!!

Last night we watched a movie and then we watched the celestine movie. He found it insightful.

We both spoke about how we do not feel possession is a good thing in a relationship nor control. We both want to support each others dreams.

He is a worrier like me but, we are working at going with the flow.

Last night his family were going out for Mother's Day but he'd already made arrangements with me. He kept our arrangements. He said "I wanted to spend time with you." So, that shows he is interested I guess. Also, when I told him a couple of weeks ago I might not be able to meet up until the 8th March as I had other plans. And he had to study on the 8th March but that would mean 3 weeks with no contact in person he said "well I could come over and go home early to study" so he is willing to compromise and give to make time for us.

It so happened that my plans changed and we could meet on 1 March which was last night.

When we'd watched the celestine movie we both spoke of how none of us knows what the future holds so lets enjoy what comes.

Michelle, I am going to send me some healing. Funny you should say that as last week I thought about buying a book for a sick relative but, realised I needed it for me. Its Louise Hay "heal your body" so, I am concentrating more on me these days lol!!

Thank you all of you for being an ever present light in my life.

I was speaking to my counsellor yesterday and he said "you sound like you are being caring and not at controlling. You are even not letting your anxieties lead the way. Yes I still get a bit anxious but, I am catching myself more and more and the more we meet up the less anxious I feel.

Love
Theressa

[truth]

Hi Theressa,

Just wanted to say, enjoy!

Enjoy you, for your uniqueness
Enjoy life, for the joy you bring to others
Enjoy love, for that is all you need
Enjoy the adventure, for true life exceeds all expectations

Thank you for being you,
Pat

[tonyamendola]

Theressa

Just continue to be the Light that you are