Control Dramas

[guest]

I am having a difficult time keeping myself from getting caught up in negative energy from others. I try to keep myself under control but find myself losing it very easy. Any tips on how to stop my control drama and figuring out what it is? I make a serious effort to not get upset but it really bothers me when people use a condescending tone with me and that is usually what sets me off. The person I am having a problem with really has an anger control problem and starts to shout for no reason. They will never take responsibility for their part in getting to that point.







Without getting to "Dear Abby" on everyone I would really like some suggestions on how to recognize what my control drama is in this situation. I always thought I was aloof, but maybe James forgot to list the Raging Maniac as a possible control drama !

[Spiritman]

Dear Guest,







Whilst I'm usually keen to assist anyone if I can, I'd be happier to do so if you registered on this site first. Then it'll feel more like I'm talking to a real person, which makes it easier somehow!







Regards,



Spiritman.
_________________
Spiritman. Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future!

[Kitty008]

The "Raging Maniac" I guess would be the closest thing to the "intimidator." Generally speaking, we hear in our heads what we are going to say before we say it. The idea is certainly there before the words. If you could ask yourself, when you hear (or see) your thought, "Who is saying this?" before you speak, you may realize it is not really you. Perhaps it's a recording of something from your past, for example. Then, you can choose to say something more in line with our true self.
_________________
One Love

[Spiritman]

One of my maxims is:







When in doubt, ask yourself: "What would love do?"







which I think applies here.
_________________
Spiritman. Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future!

[michellepetkus]

Dear Guest,







Control Dramas are easier to see in other people than it is in ourselves. Understanding other people can help us grow but being open to truly seeing ourselves with an objective eye is when we will really see progress in ourselves. The best way to gage our control drama is to observe how we react in difficult situations. Most of us are nice when we don't feel threatened but how do you react when the stress is on or when you find yourself in a position where you want something really, really bad. Redfield surmises that there is one of four ways that we react/act. I think there may be more but for now I'll go with the author. So ask yourself and/or pay attention the next time you are feeling threatened and/or find yourself really wanting something. These types of situations will magnify your negative tendencies and help you to see them more readily.















Do you get angry/aggressive then you are an Intimidator.







Do you try to talk your way out of or into the situation then you are an Interrogator.







Do you try to run, hide, and/or shut down then you are Aloof.







Do you cry and/or use guilt to handle the situation then you are a Poor Little Me.















It is most probable that we use all of the control dramas from time to time and may even use different dramas depending on whom we are dealing with. We may also find that as we grow and change the dramas we use more often may switch. As an example, I am generally an aloof type person but when I?m driving I can, especially when I?m in a hurry, become an Intimidator. I know that I am not being nice and I am trying to learn patience when I drive but that is who I am. If I am to grow I have to be willing to open my eyes to my negative behaviors. Only then can I overcome them.







Ultimately, what we want to achieve is the ability to let life happen freely. When we use the control dramas, or as I like to think of them, defense mechanisms we are essentially trying to force life to bend to our will, which, in turn, will actually, in the long run, bring on the opposite results of what we are trying to achieve.







In closing, as you try to figure yourself out, remember to be objective. It is most likely, contrary to what Redfield may have implied, that you don?t use a control drama every waking second of your life. There may be people who do but I think it is more common that people use the dramas when they feel threatened or when they have a prize in mind. This does not make you a bad person. It just means we are not utilizing the energy of the universe in a way that will gain us the results we want.







Now to your question, about letting go. That is a little easier said than done. We have spent years, maybe lifetimes, acting and reacting a certain way. To break that habit takes a heighten sense of self awareness, a strong commitment to change, and a lot of patience and forgiveness to ourselves. The best way I've found to keep from falling into my control dramas is to remember to approach people with love. Let go of your expectations of what you'd like to happen and just let the situation flow. When you've dropped your drama you will find that people will completely open up to you and will truely want to help you. Because it is so easy for me to fall back into my drama I make a conscious effort to repeat the word, love, in my head over and over until I actually start to feel calm and balanced. I try to start every day this way and try to be conscious of when I'm turning negative and then repeat the mantra. After awhile this approach to life will become second nature and I will no longer have to tell myself to live with love I will just be there most of the time. Whether this approach will work for you will be something you will have to gadge for yourself but I thought I'd throw out there what I'm trying incase it helps.







Michelle

[Spiritman]

Michelle, may I just say what an excellent post I think that is! I'm in total agreement with every word, and I'm sure many others are, too.







This forum is going from strength to strength, and I thank the G.O.D. (Grand Organizing Designer) for that!







As ever, love to all.
_________________
Spiritman. Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future!

[Guest]

Guest says:

[NATURE28]

Hello It's always good to have an oposing view on the planet to help us all out with possible solutions for happiness.I dont know what all these people are telling you,most of the things that are taught by meta's can confuse the crap out of most people and we all wonder if were all experiencing the same things. Trust me you are not the only one with this problem. So to put it simply,If you have someone in your life that you visualise as an obstical, you just have to continue on your way,'This person is in your life for a reason' and you have to be able to 'recognise what reason that is', and run with it. I feel that you may have the need to teach this person what it means to truly be alive,I know I feel the same way too sometimes,but if you have presented your teachings and they didnt work,I think its time for you to move on and keep following your path because Judging by the letter you wrote,you seem at a standstill.There are so many other people you could be teaching out there and experiencing things with that need you and you need them and if you stop to help every stragler you will never get to your destination. besides,this person will follow his own fate and it is best to let him experience many people rather than one.~good luck on your journey~NATURE28

[guest]

Thank you everyone for your concern and advice. The night I put up this post I went back to the book and continued reading. The advice in the book suggested to identify the control drama to the person presenting it. If you are both aware of the drama it is harder to continue the drama. The person I am having these problems with has read these books and many others with similar great messages. He is intelligent in regards to these matters but just takes an angry approach to things. I talked to him later and suggested that we focus less on the negative forces around us and more on the positive energy that we and others possess.



What it comes down to is we are both frustrated with many parts of our relationship due to competitiveness over situations and a lack of communication.



By discussing the issues that need to be resolved we are able to approach our relationship with compassion and work at keeping our positive exchange of energy.

[michellepetkus]

Dear Nature28 & Guest2







I absolutely agree with you that if anyone ever feels their safety is in jeopardy they should indeed walk away. For the short or long term. You will also find that as you begin to understand and let go of your own control dramas you will have less of a desire to be around the negative people who use control dramas on a constant basis. You will be able to handle being around them without it affecting you but you just won?t want to. And there is nothing wrong with that. Especially if the negative person refuses to make any attempt to grow.







Dear Guest,







It sounds like you have made some headway in your communications with your friend. Becoming consciously aware that you are in the middle of a control drama will definitely help diffuse the situation. Having someone to work with on the dramas who is also open to the Celestine Prophecies is also wonderful in that they won?t think you?re nuts. Changing your friend's and your habits of using a control drama will take a little time to break but it sounds like you have made a good start. Best of luck and keep at it. The rewards are absolutely liberating.







Michelle







PS: Thanks Spiritman for the kind words. You've done something similar that I have with G.O.D. except I call it Group Of Deities.