I'm married to an Intimidator

stargazer83 · Joined: 16 Feb 2011 Posts: 1 Location: PORTSMOUTH UK

Help!! I'm married to an intimator!! I don't know how to help him realise what he is doing to me and my children. I'm trying really hard to break the habbits of my control dramas, but it is very differcult when he is so domineering in nature. He has never been violent but can suck the energy out of a room very quickly if things aren't going his way. It is amazing when it's just me and him, but when are 2 young boys are being hectic (as kids do) it's all too much for him and he snaps. I feel as though I can't leave the house because all hell may break loose!! He is a loving man and I can clearly see that all his habbits were caused through his up-bringing, but it breaks my heart when I see our eldest son (6) being a poor me, or even an intimidator toawards my youngest (2), I want to break these patterns now before it's too late!!! any help would be greatfully appreciated

TimFellow · Joined: 05 Mar 2010 Posts: 70

It seems like your husband has some inner issues that he needs to work out on his own. All you can do is try your best to stay aware and not feed into his game. In the end you can only do what's best for you. It's up to him to own up to his behavior. Take a look at what your objective is and come up with a strategy and specific tactics within that strategy to achieve what you want. Sit him down and tell him how you feel!!

Will Mindspin · Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:20 pm Post subject:

stargazer, I'm sorry to hear about that situation, but The Celestine Prophecy Experiential Guide does suggest ways of addressing control dramas above and beyond the novel. I suggest getting that book for starters.

I'm sending out positive energy to you. Best wishes!

michellepetkus · Joined: 16 Jan 2006 Posts: 809 Location: Chicago, IL

Hi Stargazer,

In my experience I have found that acknowledgment works the best. We all tend to pull out a control drama when we feel our lives our out of control and we don't know how to correct the situation. For some the behavior becomes a habit but resisting it, hoping it will simply get better or avoiding a confrontation will not help resolve the situation. Instead when your husband gets into a mood acknowledge that he seems upset and ask him what can be done to make the situation better for him. If he grips about the kids being loud remind him that kids can't always contain their energy so prod your husband for an option that will help him get past his frustration. The point being to try and help him find a solution to his frustration, as opposed to sitting and stewing in it, may help turn his control drama behavior around.

As for your children the best thing is to lead by example. Also, when you notice the behavior address it in the moment. Talk it out. Kids are like sponges. Be the counter balancing voice they need to work through falling into control drama patterns. My best to you, your family is lucky to have such a caring family member as you.

Love,
Michelle

I also agree with Will that the experiential guide may help you out greatly.