HELP!!!!

[Theressa]

Hi All,

I would like to ask for some help from any of u who would oblige me:

I have been struggling alot of late with my teenage daughter. She has been speaking to me in a nasty tone and been resistant to my requests. NOW i know this is what teenagers do, but it is really affecting me. I have now had acne resurface. I have been so stressed with her that i just can't cope anymore. I feel in a state of woundupness constantly when i am in her presence. I have begun to restablish boundaries and limits and consequences for misbehaviour.

I find it so hard not to react and say "do not speak to me in this way" and she says something along the lines of "u can't stop me" sometimes if i discipline her she says no u can't make me do anything. The truth is i can't make her do anything. I feel she is sapping my energies and having adverse affects on skin.

any input would much be appreciated. I am also do a degree and this has caused me anxieties about the amount of stuff i have had to learn.

Love, light and blessings
Theressa xxxx

[michellepetkus]

Hi Theressa,

You are at that age where you are probably going to loose your daughter emotionally for a couple of years but she will come around once she has found herself. My impression is the reason you are breaking out is not so much because you are firm with your daughter, it is your responsibility to be firm until she is old enough to know better, but my suspicion is that you are being hard on yourself about being hard on her. Your daughter right now thinks she knows it all when in fact she knows very little. My suggestion is to try to do some online research on practical ways to handle the situation. I am sure your problems have to have been discussed by others. Maybe if you can get some tips from others who have had the same issues you can ease your mind a bit and give you tools to help you deal with your teenager in a way that helps you to feel good about yourself. My best to you and hang in there with the school. It will be well worth the effort and you will get through it.

Love,
Michelle

[Theressa]

Hi Michelle,

Thank you so much for your posts.

I know it is necessary that my daughter moves away from me to establish herself.

I have gone back to reinforcing boundaries and thus some of the upset has cleared a little. I think my daughter has needed to see that the boundaries and limits are there still. I think given the family stuff and my injury in which time she has been doing alot of stuff surrounding responsibility that there was a need for me to re-establish some firm boundaries and limits with her.

I think my own stresses have made it difficult for me to not over react. I am glad to say some of these are clearing now. I know my mind set affects how I can deal with other things impacting me.

My good friend went through similar stuff with her son and she had to re-establish some firm boundaries with him. Then he felt much safer and began to handle things better.

My friend and my daughter's dad gave her some ideas about taking some space on her own if she is feeling sensitive. I think she has been doing this.

For me I understand all this is very necessary and I know it is normal. I have just found it so challenging. What with my injured arm, her dad's illness and unemployment, me going to university and also the illness and death of my uncle. My daughter has had alot to deal with.

Rishi won't stop me wanting to study. I think it is very necessary to learn about theories/explanations of why people might behave in certains ways. My intuition is what guides me alot.

It was my intuition that lead me to do this course and my guides, so far from me going to university to get greedy and be unspiritual I think it is much the opposite. I think Rishi and others forget that spirituality is based on real life and not sitting in a monerstry for years on end meditating.

For me its about gaining self awareness. It has been about also facing and upgrading many skills. Yes this has been scary and a massive learning curve but one I want stick with.

Sometimes life gets overwhelming. I think that the stress hormones have been at full throttle hence the effects such as acne lol. I think as I am overcoming the fears of studying and learning the necessary skills then the acne will calm down.

I think maybe it is inevitable that this would be scary and would affect my body. I guess what i am trying to say is maybe the consequences are necessary as a mountain climber gets cuts and bruises, but still chooses to climb the mountain.

I am going to find an online parenting website and speak to other parents about PMS etc. I am doing my best and yes it is hard but i am sure i can get through it all.

love and light
Theressa xxx

[michellepetkus]

And it sounds to me that you are doing brilliantly especially with all you are dealing with.

Love,
Michelle

[Theressa]

Hi Michelle,

Thank you so much for the encouragement.

Love
Theressa xxxx

[eaglesoul]

Dear Theressa :
I agree with Michelle , you are doing great given all the things you are facing right now!
As the mother of two teenager girls not too long ago (they are 25 and 27 now)my sympathy to you ...it is a rough time !
I still remember their teen years as a very ,very difficult time ...just recently , a couple of years ago ,one of them sat down at a coffe shop with me and said -Mom , I was such a terribly rebelious teenager ...thanks for being there , for not negotiating your limits ...I needed them! we both cried and laughted, and were relieved it was over.She has a strong will , a powerful soul , and I got to understand intuitively that she was testing her strenght ...at the only one available , since her father was an absent figure. Not his fault entirely, had a very crappy childhood.
My other girl wrote a poem in her first poetry book, praising her mom limits , that she said that even unspoken , she knew they were there , and felt safe...uff, she does not know how hard it was to work at limits for me, and how much i learned from the process !
From a lecture of a french therapist ,just last year I learned that children raised in a home with only one parent (id est mom) rebel against us because simply we are the only one around, exactly as my intuition had told me years before!
so keep trusting your intuition ,its your greatest guide , and yes , make sometime alone for yourself each day , and keep your favorite inspirational, books, music ,etc, nearby , nourish yourself in a word ...and she will learn from that , and in a few years will thank you ...
it will not be today , or tomorrow , but it will happen ,be sure it will.
Teens learn by our example , and taking care of yourself , you are teaching her to do the same one day.
And dont be hard on yourself , if you cant keep up sometimes , then you will be teaching that you are human too...as you said , we do our best all the time, and that is all we are asked to do...the Divine does not ask for more !
this that you are doing is wise too, asking for help when feeling it is too much is a measure of strenght...remember to ask your angels for spiritual support also, they are always there , and they certainly do help in surprising ways.
You put it beautifully , the climbing of a mountain does leave some bruises , but the view at the top is -wow! -incredible , so keep on climbing girl !
The only thing a climber needs to remember is to stop once in a while , take a rest and enjoy the journey...
(There is a beautiful book by Christiane Northrup called Mother Daughter Wisdom , that is both inspiring and helpful too)
Blessings to you both, may Divine Love fill your home,from the source within.
Namaste
Patricia

[Theressa]

Hi Patricia,

Thank you!

It just feels like in every area of my life recently it has been shook up. I noticed the common theme is feeling ill equipped and uncertain of what to do. I have felt so frustrated and drained. Sometimes to be coping with so much at once can leave one feeling so, so deflated. Things have started move a little now.

I cried when you said doing your best. There have been days when i felt so inadequate and wanted to throw the towel in. I felt the battles were too much. I had struggles due to inadequate writing skills, grammar for university. A child who was pushing me to the brink of craziness lol, a charity that has had so many problems and then a person (who is 20 years old) at university who was so challenging and an incarnation of my daughter. Battles with my aunty who wouldn't let me see my uncle who has now since died.

I am wondering why I needed all these battles but obviously they trigger the same response in me. Stand up and fight for what I feel is right! This resulted in them digging in deeper. The choice was let them have their way or fight them. With my aunty I gave up fighting when my uncle got too sick and I decided he mattered more than winning her. The same with the girl at university, i decided it didn't really matter if the report we were working on wasn't perfect and was her way. The charity I understand now that others are sorting it out. I have gone some way to learn about grammar and asked others for help. Now there are some reaffirmed limits I guess my daughter has calmed down.

I can see this was about CHOOSING MY BATTLES so I can save my energy for more important things. However, what would come up for me with my daughter was the responsibility of mine to make sure she grows up well and also to have respect.

So thank you Patricia. I feel relieved to be overcoming some of these battles now.

Love, light and blessings
Theressa

[eaglesoul]

Theressa :

choose your battles ...great insight !

Love Light and blessings to you too
Namaste

P