I'm such a Poor Me.

[Darin Hamel]

So I was thinking of how to overcome my girlfriends control drama and it occured to me that maybe if I overcame my own drama of being a poor me then maybe I wouldn't have so many problems. Shocking right? Work on myself before looking for someone else to change?

Anybody have any stories of how they overcame a personal control drama and how it affected their life when they did?

[9dragons]

[Theressa]

Hi Darin,

Whenever we are under stress or fearful we activate a control drama as a way of coping. Its our inner child who is full of fear.

Poor me is a victim feeling. We get out of it by acting as we are the only power in our life. Its how we see things and then respond that matters.

The other thing is sometimes we are with someone who no longer is going in the same direction as us. I read this book recently and it really helped "The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz" He also wrote the Four agreements. it shows how we act out of conditioning and thus, unless we learn to practice different steps nothing will change.

Its like if I have a cat and i want it to be a dog then i am missing the point. if i have a cat i need to love it as a cat. However, if I'd prefer a dog then i need to have the courage to seek out a dog.

We are in need of a play mate not someone to try to change.

I tried for many years and allowed others to try to control me. Now i know who my guy is and i know he is what i want and have no need to change him.

He is a cat and i want a cat lol!!! I didn't choose a dog and ask it to be a cat.

You are the power in your life!!! You need to choose what you experience.

I felt inspired to share this
Love
Theressa xxxxx

[Guest]

The people that we have within our life usually are a choice. Not always, but usually within the western world.

There is also the reality that opposites do indeed attract and why that is.

I don't know about you, but myself - I am one of those 'fly by the seat of her pants' sort of people. If there were a plane to jump out of for the fun of it - I jumped. If there was a mountain to go zipping down from on a roap - I was zipping. If there were a river to cross - a fire to put out - a cause to help - you get the picture.

Many times, we have in our life the exact opposite for the simple reason that we make the choice to have in our life the very thing that we swear we do not want.

Having come full circle in my life and finally coming to realize that maybe what I really need is the very thing that I have tried to shun - the nice quiet and steady type, both feet on the ground type - with a TWIST of course since I NEVER could be attracted to someone that was totally what the world sees as 'normal' - that without such in my life, I am rather lopsided - too heavy on the one with none or little of the other. Also true that the other very well needs within THEIR life what it is within yours which would be much less drama.

Ying and Yang. Man and woman. Different but the same. One without the other is less than the whole.

I am not making the point come across very well - so I hope you at least get a taste of what I am talking about.

[Theressa]

Hi Darin, Hi Rene, Hi All,

I am getting what Rene is saying:

Sometimes our unmet needs are reflected in others. We are noisy and busy, YET we attract a quiet person. Do we need more quiet and less noise in our lives? We would do to embrace the quiet and then we may not find the other so quiet. Do we need to balance ourself?

When u have gotten balanced you won't need others to mirror this to you. Or you may see it is good to have balance and accept the other?

Its spilling out today lol!!!

Love, light blessings
Theressa xx

[eaglesoul]

Youhave made the point beautifully , in my opinion .
I agree with what you are saying (Rene I guess?)
Nice quiet and steady type...that is the one for me too , I finally realized that ...uff it took me about 30 yrs...
Ying and Yang ..different but the same...maybe we are supposed to be different in order to make the whole ? to stretch ourselves and embrace the difference? to reach balance as a pair?
Inner balance is sure part of a good, positive relationship , but balance in a couple....mmm quite a challenge,that one...
I like very much the description in the CP workbook that describes it as a dance , not too tight , not too loose, each one flowing with the music of it.
And that requires attunement , and listening to the same music,in my head maybe I hear jazz and in his sounds tango....could seem obvious but, its amazing how easily we forget ....
Been giving some thought to this couple`s theme lately ,I have come to the conclusion that my life would be enriched by a partner ,to my own surprise...since I have come to be comfortable as I am...and that took a lot of work, maybe its cause i`m in the middle of divorce procedure,ah?
At the beginning of this year the angels cards announced me a soulmate...and the child in me wanted him right away!
I guess that remaining open to the Universe gifts, going with the flow and keeping hope will make it happen one day ...but yikes, sometimes I would like a magic wand...
Theressa ,nice post ,do you have the Four Agreements at hand , if so would be so kind to post them? I had them once ,and cannot find them now , would be great to have them back !
Namaste

[kelly]

Beautiful posts, everyone
Really a lovely thread...

Here are the Four Agreements.
They rocked my world.

Peace,
Kelly

from www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

[eaglesoul]

And right on time for St Patrick`s Day ...
what a gift !

Thank you Kelly ....

[Water Master]

control dramas - ya let them go they are added weight to your journey.

nice kelly still love you btw : )
_________________
8th insight never changes

[WolfsEyelash]

Thank you Water Master for bringing this up....it's just what i've been looking for, i'm taking a copy of the four agreements KELLY THANK YOU and thank you to all for the discussions here, i'm really really ready to make some big changes.

And i will get out of this POOR ME prison permanantly...it keeps sneaking up on me, along with the stress.

thanks again

with love & prayers

sophia
_________________
"Love knows not it's own depth til the hour of separation"
Namaste *

[Water Master]

are you a poor me and thats what gives you stress?hmm never seen that in a person.

sometimes you have to say what the hell,or so what? and leave the stress with others

btw the 4 agreements can get stagnant you know?

life goes on no matter what
_________________
8th insight never changes