Control of who?

[Theressa]

Hi All,

Control dramas:

I have noticed that I allow others control dramas to influence me alot. The power of the word has been very powerful in my life for a very long time as I am sure it has in all of your lives.

Many people tried to talk me out of going to apply for university. However, I listened to my own inner voice and applied and now have a definite offer and two interviews for the new year.

With relationships especially romantic ones I can see how I many times tried to talk people into being different and became very frustrated and intimidating. If they did not fit my vision "I was gonna convince them and shout until they did" RESULT I was tired and still did not have what I wanted.

When my ex partner from back in April 07 left me one night, he spent the next five weeks begging to come back. He convinced me that if I would just lay off him then he'd change. After a week he then told me he couldn't be with me. Why? because I shouted at him. Why? because after me inviting him for a meal and him being defensive and saying if I expected him to pay he'd not be coming. I was so upset. I thought we were starting with a clean slate BUT, he was still focusing on the past. Then he went away and text me telling me it was over.

My first reaction was "I need to convince him we must keep trying." Luckily I did not go with my first reaction. I sat and thought. Is this person who I envision him to be or WHO he is? My answer was "who he is" My next thought was if he doesn't want to stay then I will free him and me from my illusion that he will ever be controlled and be what I want him to be.

I decided to text him back and tell him "his wish was my command" to his shock. I decided I was not going to force him or convince him to be anything BUT who he was. I was not going to force him or ask him to invest anything he did not deeply wish to invest.

He spent the following seven months trying to talk me back BUT, inside me had changed. I realised I could never make anyone do anything and thus, a person who is not willing to put in the effort to forge the vision I have of a joint partnership I will not force to.

This change of thought has impacted me greatly this year. I let go of friendships that were unbalanced. I set limits on what I put into work.

In every area of my life I decided that if another is not freely mutually contributing then I will stop and set them free.

With dating, there was the man who was attached still and I gave him the choice to invest in my partnership vision or I would let go. And I let go leaving him free to invest in what he wished.

Then recently there was this guy who emailed me and then stopped. I told him that I would leave it up to him. He emailed with excuses and I just said speak to you soon. Now if he doesn't reply then he doesn't want to freely invest and that is his choice.

With my family. My sister was violent and so I backed off. Eventually she asked me to spend some time with her after she got help. I agreed but, I said if she cannot invest in respect I will be off again. Up until now she has invested respect and received respect.

What changed though was me. I stopped nagging her about drinking. I told her I would just not be around her if she started to get angry.

The other day my younger sister was complaining that no one has been to help her with her new home. I said "In my life people need to ask for help I don't just interfere." She has used her poor me for years on me lol!!

I used to be super responsible and ever so judgemental. Now I see it is their lives and not a jut to do with me what they do.

So the lessons for me have been:

1. You cannot make anyone invest
2. You can't force or control anyone unless they willing agree
3. Words are powerful and if you let them they can control your life if you agree. Especially the ones we say to ourselves!!!
4. It is wasted energy trying to convince yourself a person is not who they are.
5. Nothing can make anyone stay
6. I can only control me.
7. What anyone else thinks of me is none of my business
8. Others behaviour or choices are not a reflection of me
9. We can begin a new in each moment
10. Who I am changes in each moment and I can act differently anytime I want to.
11. Whether I fight the facts or not they are. The universe flows whatever, I say or do.
12. I can smile or I can spend time crying about what is gone.
13. I can be thank ful for what has been and let it go.
14. The present is all I have really.
15. Whatever, is in my field, my behaviour is what needs to change!!! to change the whole.
16. Heaven is always on hand to help, just ask.

Namaste to all who read this. Any responses gratefully accepted.

Love, light and blessings
Theressa

[Jennypoo]

Hey T, I think you got it right!!!
I too have been there with relationships, family and friends!
I read in the Bible one afternoon ---Seek your Salvation and not that of another!!!

WOW!!! I am here to live for me and find my own inner peace and happiness? WHO KNEW!!! LOL!!!

I am now more upfront and honest with all people in my life about boundries, problems-(not mine!) and any subject that someone else wants me to carry the weight in for (THEM!!!)

I decided to only carry my own weight--me, myself, & I!!!
I stay alone in this (without a home filled with people) mostly because we are not on the same spiritual path in life!!!

I have also noticed they don't really need me as much as I once thought--- thinking of course that I was helping!!!

These people are all doing whatever they choose and----
--- I too am doing what I believe God in Christ has planned for me and (that perhaps by keeping to myself)----
and seeking my own salvation ----now I am not enabling others to continue adding me in the misery or confusion that---(they wish not to give up)--- in their own lives!!! Hope this makes sense!!!
Love and peace be with you from Jennypoo
_________________
Jennypoo loves you too!!!

[littlebird]

Hi Ladies,

It is so nice to hear how you all are helping yourselves! With this, you help me also. I have no interest lately in being around persons who bring me down with their control dramas and find myself more and more detached from them. I simply am walking in the other direction. The spiritual support I find here is just so awesome. There are times I fall, but like you say....
JUST KEEP GETTING BACK UP AND START ANEW.

Peace to you,
Lisa
_________________
God is Love

[earthangel]

i agree with what you said theressa

[pstudios1silvercitynm]

Wow some good stuff said here. I know what U guys mean about trying to relate to other who don't "invest". I've found it a huge energy drain 4 me. I think i'm going to just need to read this post several times 4 awhile and reflect on it.

I've been at a point where i've been tossing a lot on all levels.

the garbage is fuller and my phone book is thinner, icing: unfinished things r getting done slowly-the more free enery i have the better i can function. it seems to be a process here.

I apprecitate all the honesty here. I waste too much time invested in others who don't invest and i get more syncronicity, when i let them go and then i have more room.

thanx again theresa
Jennifer

[Snoopyfan8]

Everyday when I stop by here and poke my head around to see what is going on - it never ceases to amaze me that what I may be thinking about, focusing on, or learning more about pops up in a topic.

With the recent revisions to this website - I am happy to see an area for just control dramas.

I just went thru the CP book again recently and was focused on trying to determine my own and those of my parents. I set aside precious time to spend with them - some in silent observation, some questions which spurred conversation - and other time to just absorb and reflect on.

Has anyone else figured out their parents - and if so - did they feel their parents were a combination of different Control Dramas? Did it help to understand yours?

I would be most interested to hear (read) your posts. I am still narrowing mine down and would like to sit back and learn/understand others in their findings. I think it would not only be beneficial for me - but for others who may read them too.

Thank you for the time you take to respond, your experiences are welcomed and will be treasured for they are the key - knowledge.

Snoopster

[kechoperi]

I can't see that anyone falls into just one of the categories. People are too complex for that and I would think that people use a different drama at different times, or with different people.

My parents were definitely a mix. They had a very volatile marriage and took that out on me and my siblings. My mother would be the intimidator with me, when she was frustrated and angry with my dad. It would make me cry and, in retrospect, I can see that then she would immediately act the poor me. For most of my childhhod, I felt a mix off fear and guilt.

My dad, was always aloof, but anything that I did to attract his attention, either accidentally or intentionally, resulted in a violent outburst of the intimidator. I was terrified of him.

It was horribly painful to be with either of them. My way of dealing with it was to blame myself and tuck in my head, feet and hands into a little shell, like a tortoise. And whenever I could, I would walk the 3 miles to my grandparents house, where I recieved the reassurance, love and affection that I craved.

Luckily for me, I was able to leave home at 18. Then life got a whole lot nicer and the little tortoise began to creep out of her shell. I don't feel that I use any of the control dramas in preference now, although I am concious that I use all of them a little bit at some time.

As a young adult, I guess that I would have been described as aloof. As I have matured, I have reacted against the way my parents behaved by having little patience with game playing. If some thing bothers me, I put into words exactly how I am feeling and what I would like to see happen. Some folks find my honesty slightly blunt and direct at times, but they do know exactly where they stand. In order to stay safe in the environment in which I grew up, it has made me rather sensitive to how others are feeling and that, coupled with my being tenderhearted, balances the rather direct side of my nature.

In latter years, I have done a lot of developmental work on myself to w ork though the issues and these days, I feel at peace. I can't pretend that it was easy to get where I am now and it has tested my courage and determination. I don't believe that you can ever afford to sit on your heels and be complacent and I still have plenty to learn, but I am now in a place where I can look back and feel pleased about what I have achieved.

I wish all of you success in your own paths.

Love Kech x

[Theressa]

Hi Ke, Hi All fellow light workers,

I know that I'd try ever so hard to get my mothers attention. She had a lot on her plate. I learnt to be very good and my grades were praised. Later when my mental energy was dispated due to family illness I can see how when this went I began to panick because how else would I get attention.

I was extra good.

Ironically however, this has meant that since I show I am doing great my father assumes I NEVER need help and so does my mother. God help me when I fall down as I am expected to be always strong.

When I met my partner I really struggled. I was unprepared. You see they thought I was one less thing to worry about since I was doing fine. Whereas my sister who was naughty in their eyes got lots of attention. So, I never got any real guidance from mum or dad.

It was very scary going into the REAL world. Then to be met with a harsh partner well you can imagine my self esteem was torn to shreds. But, I still tried at work. I was shot down by my supervisor, criticised. So, then even their my self esteem was destroyed.

Crap housewife, Crap mother and just well crap. (there was no where I wasn't being fired emotional bullets at.!) But, a kind lady called Dr irene and her online support helped me to get away from the bullets.

I did not feel 100% not until recently. For seven and a bit years I slowly got away from the bullets and with pellets of love the bullets all dissolved.

I now feel less need to control anyone outside of me. I know I can move away from the bullets anytime I want to. You see when the fire was all around me I just couldn't see away out. But, an angel called Dr Irene (www.drirene.com) she showed me the doorway. Many others helped me to walk finally through that door way and out into the beautiful world today!!!

Ron, Sharon, Sharon, Sharon, Andrea, kate, Catherine, Abby, Donna, Diana Cooper, Neale Donald Walsh, James Redfield, Doreen Virtue, Angels and Guides, Reiki and many, many more people and tools. Friends, bosses, specific family members, authors, You all know who you are, Great Spirit shone light through them all. THANK YOU!!!!

I am now at a place of trusting the Universe, trusting my thoughts to manifest, mindful of my thinking, doing and speaking.

So, now I know I control my world with my thoughts and shape what is and the world draw back to me all the resources to manifest my thoughts. So, no one will judge me only me. MASTERY OF ME is my goal now.

I am my greatest project. I am the centre of my world and the author. So, others words and actions can only control me if I allow them to define me.

I've been a resucer, persuer, a perfectionist, abused, victim. BUT, they were all illusions. For now I know I am a being of light. When I recognise me then no one has power to define me only ME.

That is so liberating.

Love, light and blessings, May you all see the REAL you that is your SPIRIT which is bigger than anything you can imagine. Ever so powerful. But, even that is CONTROLLED AND SHAPED BY YOUR THOUGHTS loL!!!!

Love
Theressa

[GeneHrsy]

Theressa,

I would give you a great big hug... my arms don't reach.
I looked for a partner for a long time in my life. I walked through my life, thinking I was alone, for many, many years. I finally gave up and stopped looking. That's when I met Judy.
Things haven't been the same since.
We have built a house out of Love and the two of us seem to be very good at manifesting our wants and unwants.
I never stopped to think about what others might think of me for being with someone in a wheelchair, (in the words of James Taylor "No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong, Judy ...), nor of the issues that might come up later in life for us health wise. I accept the wanted with the unwanted. The wanted keeps me going and the unwanted tells me I still have things to learn.
It still seems, to me, that you are looking for something outside of yourself for which you feel you have a lack of within you ... yet, there is nothing lacking in you. Allow the Love you seek into every aspect of your life and see what happens. Allow the person you're with to be the person they are and not try to make them into your ideal. It seems you're looking for Christ and you will find him. Let it be.
Thank you for your wisdom and sharing the beautiful life we are given.

Namaste
Gene
_________________
It Just Keeps Getting Better
Time is the measurement of humanity's Awakening to the True nature of Now.
Ever wonder what would happen if the whole world farted, then smiled at the same time??

[Theressa]

Hi Gene,

Maybe you misunderstood my post. I was sharing my history. The partner was my old partner from 8 years ago. The one I am with now is very different.

Just want to clear that up lol!!!

Love
Theressa

[Jennypoo]

Hi, all u good spirits!!!

Give what you cannot control over to God in Christ!!!

You are here to seek you're on salvation and no other can you attain!!!

You need not feel it's selfish to care for you're own spirit or state of being while here on this earth the best way you feel you should (it is a direct order from our creator after all!!!)

It's written in the bible so go ahead and let go of issues you have no control over and just control you're happiness and spiritual journey in the goodness (God in Christ wants you to live in) while you are here on earth!!!

Love and peace & great joy be within you and with you all!!!
From Jennypoo!!!
_________________
Jennypoo loves you too!!!

[Theressa]

Hi Jennypoo,

Thank you for the reminder.

Much love and blessings to you.
Theressa

[jenlight]

"The present moment is all I have really"

Yes, the present moment is all there is. We become free of the ego through this moment, by truly tapping into our inner body, for spiritual understanding and awareness.

Thanks for the reminder Theressa of the true power of Presence.

Jen
_________________
Jennifer-Buscher Lalley
Founder, InnerVisions Coaching & Training
www.InnerVisionsCoaching.com

[one under god]

The easiest way to apply empowerments ,is at the personal level, but the controle drama extends into our every day ,like news reporting and adverts are control dramas as well, laws are creating control drama ,even medicine is the biggest control drama.

What im trying to say we are wise to the personalised level of drama [but the concept extends into every day control ,] the lawyer and docters are just as much in the drama ,ignoring the political drama or the media driven drama is a matter we may miss in applying it only to our imediate personalised reality

What im trying to say if it feels bad its a control drama [somehow] ,and its up to us to seek the remedy to that our symptom is revealing [the symptoms are all bad [fear ,hate greed envey all have thier root cause drama]

Then again our other feelings [self satisfaction etc can be symptomatic of our own control dramas [its a matter of not having them done upon us as much as us not doing them upon others.

We can become wise in our own eyes [but by others be seen as doing our own drama] seeing the stick in the others eyes [but not seeing the plank in our own?]

Its hard to tell the difference sometimes [i feel if its good for all , we all are feeling more empowered ,
if it hurts one were stealing their energy ,i know it was simpler when we were just taking back that what is ours [but now we need to take care not to take back more than others can afford to give [or rather loose]

Im not saying trust those who betray you ,they cant change
,till they too know why they are the way they are ,

the importance of the final pages of the tenth insite means we need to use the power to heal [to help others grow [not become selfish or fearfull, but in being [fearlesly free to set others free]

sorry i cant spell it out more clearly

but dont do unto others that they did to you
or you just cast out one demon to have 7 return

The trick being to act of love
knowing evil cant hurt you anymore,
while making sure your not hurting others

just as much as not letting others to ever hurt you
but if you only find peace in lonelyness ,thats a dead end road

note how it takes the all acting of the one loving vision
yet even then one runs away [as in the 10 th]
thus is all remain lost and none reach their full empowerment

that we did to the least we did to god
and who is not gifted to live from the life giver

we must hear only the voice of love [the life giver]
not serve evil [the life hurter]

our deeds reveal whos still small voice we chose to obey

[Theressa]

Hi One under God,

I agree with you that CONTROL comes from many directions, doctors, media, school. Infact conditioning itself is control drama.

I have recently begun to really accept and find me. For years I felt in conflict between how others expected me to be and the fact when I worked and achieved outside the home I felt alive. However, was made to feel guilty for focusing on my emotional need to work outside of the home.

I am at last understanding that my real self won in the end anyway as I always still went out and did what made me feel alive but, was also taken aback by the guilty inducing I received. Well recently I realised that I cannot agree to care take anyone else since I NEED to work outside of the home for my mental health. Therefore, I am no longer feeling guilty for refusing to.

I am not lesser than just because I don't fit one persons mold. My real job is the one which leaves me feeling alive. I am a people person and being out with people and helping them to find themselves makes me feel alive.

Ironically I only just became fully aware of me.

When I was at school two times stand out firstly, when I was five years old I drew a picture for a competition but, due to my age I mixed up the word "Our nurse" and instead wrote "Are nurse" my teacher wouldn't let me enter the drawing despite it taking me a long time. I felt there on not good enough and never drew again. The teacher feared being seen as incompetent which is irrational since any sensible grown up would have seen the mis-take was just about a five year old getting mixed up.

Later my maths teacher wrote "makes maths complicated" I was 12 years old. Just because I didn't see what she was talking about or couldn't remember the rules of maths sometimes she made out it was me who wasn't good enough. She rather than admit she didn't have time to explain instead made me think it was me that was WRONG.

I have realised that the damaged and dysfunctional and insecure people were faulty NOT me!!!

But, however much one is shaped and molded ones true self does PEEP through as its the part of you that feels alive just like mine. The part that only feels good when it is doing that which is its true calling.

SO HAPPY TO HAVE FINALLY FOUND ME AND SORTED THIS CONTROLLING DISTORTION AND GUILT!!!

Love
Theressa


I may not be who you want me to be, BUT I am me with no apology!!!