In need of awareness

[Theressa]

Hi All,



I saw an old pattern in me today. I am afraid I am going to ruin things at work.



My pattern is quite competitive.



Today I came into work and my colleague had written my initial and times next to the intial such as T 10, T11 etc for my appointments to be written next to because the receptionists kept filling the whole diary with my appointments and it was quite disorganised.



Anyway, when I came into work I said to the Receptionist I am on training today from 12pm so don't book me any appointments and she said "Someone already has". I went up to my colleagues and said "could you cover my appointments because I forgot to put into the diary training last week for today." They said "NO we can't so I said "Well there's no numbers or names to ring the clients back. My colleague said "What do you mean, there not appointments, I put your initials and the times so others could book appointments for you. There are no appointments. Its obvious.



Later on my colleague mentioned this to the manager whilst she was giving us a lift to the training session. She said "would you have understood" the manager said "Probably". I responded by saying "Based on my past experience that people have booked appointments for me in the past and just put my initial and a time so this is why I thought these were appointments and said I understand its hard for her since she sets something up and then we are not in but, based on my past experience this is why I reacted as I did.

She said "Oh I didn't know that".



Later she saw I was stood in the way of some others by the buffet. She called me over to the other side of the room. She then said "come here you are in their way" I felt this was the way one may speak to a child not an adult.



How can I handle this as an adult? I don't want to be defensive but I also don't like this ladies approach.



Thanks

Theressa

[chakratom]

Hi Theresa,



as I just finished reading a book called the Eye of the Lotus by Dr. Richard Jelusich, about the psychology of the chakras, it became abundantly obvious to me that I have changed to a higher awareness level. One of the techings that I read of in the book has to do with anger, something I am removing from my persona over time. What it says is that it is fine to experience anger or frustration, as it can give you insight as to what is the problem.



Now, having said this, I get frustrated and angry at times, but just like you wrote above^^^, I am aware of the anger and aware of why it is in me.



So do you.



So, you are aware of it, not to fret, I am sending out my vibes to you right now, and remember that everything in life is for a reason, there are no coincidences, only opportunities, and I see that you have done what is needed to help heal yourself.



Many gentle blessings...



Tom
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BOX VAPORIZER

[michellepetkus]

Hi Theressa,



It sounds to me like this woman who asked you to get out of the way is a Mother Hen I Know Whatís Best For Everyone So Everyone Should Listen To Me type person. But Iíll bet you any money that she too has had instances where she was blocking someones path. There are so many friggin people in the world now we are bound to bump into each other from time to time, especially if we are deep in thought. It does not mean we are inconsiderate. It just means at that moment in time we were unaware of our surroundings. The woman waking you up, so to speak, is not so much the issue. It was the way she spoke to you, in a condescending tone, that was inappropriate. Also, the fact that she was saving the woman who was behind you doesnít really do that person any good. That person needs to speak up and ask to be excused if she doesnít want to continually get stuck in traffic jams. But saving her doesnít help her to learn that. That being said your reaction to her tone of voice was natural. We all to some degree automatically get defensive when we feel attacked. It is a habit that will take some time to break. The key to overcoming becoming defensive is to separate their actions from who you are. The fact of the matter is no matter how someone speaks to you it is not a reflection of who you are. They have their own issues on why they speak rudely and they probably speak to all people the same way so you are no exception. You donít seem like the type that goes out to maliciously do harm to another. We all slip from time to time so if your intentions are pure of heart, which I believe they are, that is all that matters. Embrace that as who you truly are even if you faulter from time to time. Let this be your main perception about who you are. Then when you do slip you will be able to confront your behavior from a more objective standpoint. Once youre able to do that then you will find that you are able to head the reaction off at the pass. Or at least still walk away feeling good about yourself. It takes time to learn new behaviors but that doesnít mean you arenít growing. At this point you are gaining self awareness and pretty soon your practice will pay off.



It also sounds to me like your work environment is very competitive. And this is either a tendency in you that youíve chosen to overcome or you just plain want to overcome your defensive habits. Either way the first thing you need to do is step back from the competition. Life is not about competing especially if it is done negatively. So change your focus about your job from worrying about what others are doing and whether you are keeping up to solely focusing on serving your client. And I found the best way to do that is by coming up with a motto for myself that I would repeat daily until it clicked in. In your instance I would tell myself, ìMy only goal is to do the best possible job to help my client.î Once this gets integrated into who you are all questions or needs to help you achieve that goal will be handed to you on a silver platter and subsequently your work performance, without you even trying, will far out shine anyone else in your group.



Once youíve achieved these two principles, focusing only on what is good about you and focusing your goals towards only helping others, you will find that your defensive tendencies will start to fade away and when conflicts arise you will be able to react and respond in ways that will give the attacker an opportunity to grow without it becoming a battle of wills. They may not choose to take the high road but that is of no consequence to you because you will no longer feel the need to defend yourself because your actions will have been from a positive perspective.



Sincerely,

Michelle



PS: For peoples rudeness I have used the motto, ìDonít take it personal.î