Help with control drama

[Tspraying]

Hi all,
My control drama concerns my mother. I am a grown woman but she treats me like a child. I have my own business which she is not keen on. She doesn't like it that i have friends outside of the city. She critizes me for little things like a used the wrong potatoes for dinner, I shouldn't wear a particular skirt. She has said that when she gets older she would like me to look after her. She has no life of her own and all she does is watch soaps. Please help and pray because I feel that she is stopping things in my life from going forward. I was in tears yesterday because I couldnot take anymore. I have to live at home because my business is new and I do not have enough money. It is is really getting me down, please help. Thank you

[michellepetkus]

Hi T,

Please remember you are in control of how you feel. Your mother can have an opinion but you don't have to accept it as yours. So what she thinks you should use a certain potato. There are a multitude of varieties of potatoes out there and you can choose which ever you like. Life is subjective and we will not always agree so it is time you separate your opinions from your mothers and know you each have a right to your own.

Because you have been so use to letting your mother tell you how to feel it may take some time to break this habit but just remind yourself to step back when you feel yourself falling into her opinion. Take a step back, regroup, and tell yourself that it is ok for her to have her opinion you don't have to make it your own. With time patience and persistence you will one day find you have your power back making your choices on your terms and your mother will loose her ability to control you. And once you triumph here there won't be anyone in the world you can't deal with.

My best to you, you will master this.

Love,
Michelle

[Tspraying]

Thank you very much, Michelle That has given me a bit of hope.

T

[Inedible]

Your mother sounds like an interrogator to me. Someone who finds something wrong with what you are doing. The matching drama is to be aloof. Being aloof is my favorite drama. The book says that it is helpful to avoid playing the matching drama and to bring it out in the open what the person is doing. Whether you can ask her if it is really about the potatoes or not, if you can stay connected to the energy and keep the experience of love going, you can give her the energy she is looking for directly. Teaching her to receive the energy without resorting to the control drama could take a while, but I can tell you from my own relationships that it is starting to work for me. The other part of it is that you will have to learn to avoid expecting your mother to behave as an interrogator. This can be the hardest thing about changing the situation.

[Celestino]

My father is the same way. I send my prayers to you and your mother. I hope for the best between you and she.

[starsapphire]

I can appreciate your quandary for sure:) I'm older now so I can look back and see how The Law Of Attraction has helped me but, not without allot of conflict and pain. Everyone's answer was very good and true, however, before you move on ask yourself some important questions like what is it in my mom that may be also a reflection in me? Do I try and control others? Or Do I always allow others to control me, am I everybody's doormat, do I indulge in Self Pity dramas inside my mind which is a given set up for attracting this particular lesson over and over again, Do I attract others in my life with similar attitudes, Am I someone who is co-dependent therefore others feel they can control me, etc. These are just some of the questions one can ask themselves to understand themselves and why they attract the lessons they do in life. Pointing fingers, blaming, judging those are attitudes that in The New Age will just no longer work for any of us. Look to your Sun Sign or your Numerology and these are excellent tools to help you better understand your situation. We all have these unbecoming and unhealthy attitudes we need to work on in life. It is about refinement and transmutation. There isn't anything that one could throw at me today that I cannot honestly say, "Yes, I have struggled with that attitude and Yes it still creeps up on me from time to time:( Evolution is slow and arduous.

[hafinnej]

I also have experienced both physical and spiritual blocks due to "vampiresque" relationships.

Another poster commented about it, but I spoke honestly and asked these people to let me go because they were unintentionally harming me. Words are powerful tools. Even if their egos are hurt, if you speak from your heart, their spirits will lead them. From there, you must recognize your own negative attachments, guilt, etc.

It gets easier, then harder. (:

[starsapphire]

[hafinnej]

You're welcome, and thank you. (:

You are right about becoming aware of the effect of our actions, but I also say it becomes harder because initially we are dealing entirely with ourselves. As we grow, our awareness inevitably expands, ultimately (and I'm presuming here) to be "all in one/one in all".

One of my largest struggles has been and continues to be with the concept of the world being entirely subjective, where the matter of will can only go so far. Meaning, I can envision all I want, but my efforts can only be realized truth once they are accepted by others.

It's tough for me to grasp, possibly for the necessity then to share. (Haha, so here goes!)

[starsapphire]

[quote="hafinnej"]You're welcome, and thank you. (:

"You are right about becoming aware of the effect of our actions, but I also say it becomes harder because initially we are dealing entirely with ourselves. As we grow, our awareness inevitably expands, ultimately (and I'm presuming here) to be "all in one/one in all".

I think that too:) My awareness has grown mostly because I did start with myself like Michael Jackson's song, "Man in the Mirror." As I looked into myself my awareness grew and I changed. I realized that many of the people I re-acted too and their issues were also my issues on different levels. Thus I connected to the Whole or the All because I began to see the bigger picture. I do think it will be a long time though before I truly feel completely that total connection to the All. I can say this that today what I want for myself I want for everyone so I have moved a little further away from my own selfishness.


"One of my largest struggles has been and continues to be with the concept of the world being entirely subjective, where the matter of will can only go so far. Meaning, I can envision all I want, but my efforts can only be realized truth once they are accepted by others."

I believe the idea of the world being subjective is because the inner reflects the outer. All of our beliefs, perspectives, feelings and our desires are subjective (within) stemming from our experiences. The problem comes in when we try and be objective about most anything our subjectivity colors what we see , feel or act upon. Even many scientists struggle with concepts about the world, or space because of how they were raised with certain strict belief systems thus they can only go so far into the deeper realms of reality. Consequently our own truths are a struggle for us to change or revise.

[hafinnej]

Haha, I love that song.

There's a sense of responsibility. I believe we are all holding each other up, and I know there have been times when my own failure to be 100% has allowed someone else to fall.

It's hard when you know how unnecessary pain is, to see it still existing and then also to play a role in it.

[starsapphire]

I so liked what you said about how we are all holding each other up. Just being able to interact with others who have a similar belief system, who are doing the best they can to get through life and are most importantly sincere.
I look back at some of my mistakes in life and how it's affected others, hard for me to get past at times:( Thanks for all your input. Another song I love and inspires me is "Climb" by Hanna Montana!

[carpediem48]

Such a freedom and acceptance of myself and my mother is what I found with astrology.
When I saw that my mothers personality that she manifested toward me
was reflected in her sun sign....it released me from taking what she said 'personally'

I also saw my own personality reflected back to me with astrology.
This helped me enormously to accept myself.

I then had to wonder and 'positively' ponder why I may have picked my Mom
to be my mom
I have had some breakthroughs...still a work in progress

I have been surprised when on some occasions I have lovingly but assertively countered some of my wonderful mothers comments
Amazing...she takes it quite well
It must be lonley for interrogators when we shut them out(matching aloof control drama)
...kinda fuels the fire perhaps

Feedback....it may hurt a bit initially but it heals a lot quicker than the knawing feeling we get when someone is being aloof with us
I know this because.....well.... you can guess how I know this

_________________
Row,row,row your boat,
Gently down the stream..
Merrily,merrily,merrily,merrily,
Life is but a ........DREAM!

I am You,,,and
You are Me,,and
We are We,,,,and
WE ARE ALL TOGETHER