Staying connected

[CariM]

I read the book last fall and my life changed significantly for a while after that. Being engaged and connected brought forth so many things and I was so excited to see it all happen and understand it. At the time, I knew that it might be a challenge to maintain it and staying connected but looked foward to how everything would continue to come together.



Around Christmas time, everything fell apart when I became so disconnected and I fell right back into the control drama but seemingly worse than I ever had before. It's only been in the past little while that I have started to gain my energy back and am starting to feel that empowerment again. But this time I am finding it difficult to stay in it. What caused me to disconnect before, well, I can't seem to let go. I am struggling to stay alert and I feel like it shouldn't be a struggle. Reading these postings has helped me, but can anyone share their experiences with losing that connection and gaining it back again?



The person who lead me to this book was someone that I was involved with. After the disconnect at Christmas, among other things, has caused him to distance himself from me entirely. However, I still have dreams and daydreams about him and us and our future so I feel like we are not finished yet, but question if it's my true instincts or if it's just something I am trying to will happening. I know once I attain enough energy, I will understand this one way or another and I am learning to be patient ...I know that to most of you I will make sense.



But these visions are so specific and intense and sporadically recurring, it's difficult to find comfort in it. I feel peace in my heart for a moment and as I am seeing these images in my mind, I am feeling the emotions.





Thoughts? please???

[matt]

Hi there, I will make a few observations if I may without getting in to the details of your relationship. Take what you think is appropriate and consider the ones that you shy away from (and why you shy from them).



You are energetically (karmically) connected to this man, therefore you are sensitive to his energies as he is to yours. Several things might be going on here to varying degrees and intensity.



* Your mind is processing your relationship in a karmic fashion, so it might be throwing up memories or "new" scenarios in order to work out old memories or to justify historical actions etc etc. As you still enjoy the energy of this man, you are immediately linking over to him and fuelling the karma - maybe in a way to release it, maybe in a way to obscure it.



* If he is thinking positive thoughts towards you, you will feel these and they may manifest as daydreams. However, this should not confuse you for I am just being thorough here - pay attention to the present situation.



* If you have not accepted the separation between you, then everytime you try to energetically release him, you will divert this in to an attachment. It is a self-fulfilling cycle that can end up in obsession and emotional crucifixion.



Presently, you sound as if you are on a roller coaster. The highs are fabulous but the lows are disasterous. One thing we need to learn to do in our lives is to even out the bumps, but always rise higher and higher. When there is a gentle up and no "race" to get "high" then we can sustain our ascent and life really starts to snap in to place for us. The key is not to grab for anything. We should never need to grab; grabbing is sympton of not allowing.



To sustain and develop your energies, talk to the Earth. Talk to the Divine. Talk to your dinner, talk to your motorbike or car. Talk to the lawn mower. Realise the energy that is in all things is ultimately the same thing and that separation is ultimately an illusion. With this connectivity, allow the energies of the Earth to enter you and the energies of the purest Divine to enter you - why shouldn't they, everything is One right? This is a way of reducing our barriers. We are brought up in contemporary society to be isolated from the universe when in fact we ARE the universe. Consider a random atom in your body. How old is it? Your age? The age of the Earth? The age of the Universe? Think about that and realise how old we all are and then consider how connected we must all then be. It's all about barriers... and the ego is the biggest barrier of all. Your ego is probably suffering right now with this man who you are wishing to be with... consider this.



*with love*

matt

[lindamaryk]

I just found this sight and Im not much of a computer person...really a bit to busy with my life...but its lovely to find a group of like minded or directed people gathering in this way. I couldnt have come as far as I am on my own. I got lucky when I found a master teacher in Wisconsin of A Course In Miracles. I could hear in my heart that he could help me in my next step...and we really do do this together. I lived in Hawaii for 17 years and was delighted to move to Wisconsin with my daughter to continue my transformation. Follow your heart. You will know. God Bless Us Every One.

Linda Mary

[CariM]

Thank you very much for your post, Matt. Your observations were very helpful in reminding me of the process, and I understood what you were saying. It all made sense and made things clearer. I really appreciate the time you took responding as well.



I have been finding that I am meditating a lot more than I did before and I am slowly getting my energy back and am able to sustain it. Most importantly, I am able to give the energy freely again and I finally feel buoyant again as well. I found that my mind was actually too "busy" to meditate for a very long time. I just could not clear my head long enough to fully relax. So once I was in a better space, I began meditating again and was able to allow the little distractions to enter and exit me without interruption of the peace. That feeling is exhilarating! I am finding that in doing this, I am finally able to achieve it consistantly in day to day life. Therefore, remaining connected and sustaining the energy.



With that, the dreams are still present and if anything they are clearer. But I am not consumed by what it means. I trust I will know what to do when the time comes.



And thank you, Linda for your post as well. This is a wonderful place to communicate with others who understand why we are here. And when we lose sight of it sometimes, it's a source to get us back to...the source. When I try to speak of this to anyone in my life right now, they think I am strange.



Take care, everyone! Have a wonderful day!
_________________
I recognize that within each of us is a place where Divinity dwells, and when we are in that place, we are One.

[eggnostic]

CariM. I can relate with losing that connectedness, indeed. Getting it back again... Well, thats a nice idea. I have NOT been able to get it back again. Not in 5 years. Meditation helps, yes, but meditation has never shocked me.



So, here's my theory. I think that after an incredible/edible eggsperience like that, our human tendency is to try and catch onto it. You know, give it a name. A label maybe. Maybe even write a book about it. "I WANT THAT!", "That fealt GREAT, what was that?", "Hey who the hell turned out all the lights, THATS NOT FUNNY!", etc... But we are not dealing with something solid, so our efforts to conceptualize that experience, in order to hold onto it or get it back, only serve to seperate us from the experience more. So my answer to "how the hell do i get that back" would be to give up on it. Burn that stupid dream. Curse it, stomp on it, spit on it, and then walk away. Maybe I'm taking that a little to far, sure, i'm bitter. But I've spent 5 years trying to wake up again: now i'm trying to learn how to give up and be content with life as a zombie. Cheers.

[ronni]

I questioned why, why, why anyone would want to deplete my energy for the sake of their sick satisfaction to fill themselves up. I realized that one can never really change a true control freak. I decided to be true to myself and not care about what others think so much.



I walked the walk and talked the talk for many years in corporate america, in my materialistic marriage, etc. Now I define myself not by job titles and degrees, nor marital status but in keeping it real with my kids, college students, and friends.



I have maybe one true friend that would even begin to understand the significance of this forum board, the related books, or movie. So maybe you guys are all virtual friends...how cool is that?

[eggnostic]

Ronni, in one post you write:

[Leila]

we need to be an example of what is real and true, that to me is love and forgiveness. You may add more to the list. How does it help eggnostic to judge?

Stealing our energy: People don't say, " hey, I'm going out to steal energy today." hehe Only when we realize we are depleted by someone because of their needs, we can roughly say, " I gave too much enrgy to this person or situation" A wake up call to keep away, limit or learn about ourselves.

Leila
_________________
There is that law in life so cruel and so just that demands that one grow or pay more for remaining the same.

[eggnostic]

Leila. I have walked a left-handed path most of my life. What this means is that I am a professional energy-stealer. My way has been the way of walls, which means I am the emperor with no clothes; the joke is on me because I continually cut myself off from the source and opt instead to leech from others to fatten myself up. I am power-hungry, soul-starved, and egocentric in the face of others.



Of course, i'm a nice guy and I mean well, and most of my friends would argue that none of what I just said about myself was true. But I have spent a lot of time peering into the dark places inside myself. I am very good at recognizing it in others. If Ronni really doesnt see what he's doing, then I simply point out what I see, I don't care if it hurts him, and thats the way I show compassion.

[CariM]

My subject was about staying connected and asking people if they've experienced that loss of connection and how they got it back, was it harder to obtain. Somehow this manifested into a fight for control in a way. lol



eggnostic, while I appreciate the post I am not sure I understand what you are getting at. Have you wondered why it is you can't seem to get that feeling back again? I am not sure you understand the full scope, or the big picture of this spiritual connection, or spiritual way of existing, that we are all trying to achieve. I know that I don't fully understand it yet myself, and that's why I am here. To be open, ask questions.



Ronni - Leila's post hits the nail right on the head and i'd like to slightly expand. You chose to let people steal your energy. You control everything in this life. I used to think this was a selfish way to live, walking away from someone who depletes your energy. But I've had someone in my life walk away from me because I drained it all in my fight to control him and the situation. This wasn't intended on my part. Infact, it was the last thing I wanted to happen. I'd like to think that those who walk among us who aren't "enlightened" do not intend to steal our energy because they don't see the light yet. Therefore, it's up to us to monitor how much energy we allow ourselves to give. In the smaller picture it seems selfish, but the more aware we are of this fight for control and how we ourselves can keep it in balance, the more we, as society, can advance.
_________________
I recognize that within each of us is a place where Divinity dwells, and when we are in that place, we are One.

[eggnostic]

CariM --- with my original post I was merely telling you about my experience with getting it and then losing it. I went from being angry, to frustrated, to hopeless, to something new... With most of my other posts though, I was trying to do two things: 1) stir up an argument so I can feed off of that passionate energy, and 2) do it in a way that might end up making someone think. Isn't what happens on these boards proof of the idea about control dramas? And yes of course i've wondered why it is I can't get it back again!!! I've been obsessed over it for years to the point of pushing away so many friends and opportunities. I'm sick of it, actually, but like I said before I believe the reason why I can't get it back is because I struggle so hard to do so. Or maybe its because I want it for personal power. But you're right, its clear that I don't understand the totality of that experience, or what it means, I only know that it holds the key to the prisons I create for myself, so I need it. Must have it again!!!

[Leila]

If we create prisons for ourselves, and know we do it, it is just masochistic to keep doing it. Self awareness is great, then it is using self love and responsibility to make changes. If one keeps hitting one's head against a wall expecting no pain, well then what can I say?. No one can help if that is the choice. Awareness is wonderful yet with no awareness, it is more benign to follow the old ways, with awareness and making the choice not to grow. well, so be it. Again, what can I say?

Now, eggnostic, which way are you going???? This power/ control isn't real, we have little power. i hate to say what I think you need, it may not be my place. I'd say, start doing prayers or go into therapy. Said in a kind way as i am a psyc nurse. Why beat your self up, you are a deserving , loving soul. I see something deeper, maybe someone can get to the core and you can just love yourself and not need to do anything to stir up or whatever you find yourself doing.

Cari, I enjoyed your response. Love, leila
_________________
There is that law in life so cruel and so just that demands that one grow or pay more for remaining the same.

[CariM]

For anyone who is interested in the way I am using to stay connected:



I started meditating again, starting in complete silence. Once I could get myself in complete calm, thoughts would enter and exit freely without distraction. I would work my way up to noisier times in the day, or noisier places to practice allowing interruptions to just come and go.



Once I attained that, I could do it in day to day life. Bad situations, negative thoughts or people, or situations are beginning to just enter and exit without upsetting me or distracting me. Most of you will know what I mean. eggnostic, I would be happy to chat about it more, if you think it might be a good place to start. It certainly has helped me "get back". It's given me that balance. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control how we let it enter our lives.



Leila, again is correct in her words (funny how I am thinking about a career in Psych Nursing or Psychology...)



Once we are able to identify our control dramas and fully understand how they manifest, we are able to come closer to the balance.



Let me just say that it feels really good to read your posts, here and other places. Thank you.
_________________
I recognize that within each of us is a place where Divinity dwells, and when we are in that place, we are One.

[Leila]

I don't know what is happening inside me, mybe more of life experiences? Things do not bother me as much, I can see a broader picture. Sure, there are things I'd like different, I'd like to be more involved with my son, his wife and my grandson. They see things differently. Rather than ask my help when things are tough, they do it all. They are into germs, can't kiss my grandson, have to sterilize my hands before touching him, don't take pics of him anymore becuse I'd have to change the settings so the camera blinks once, not twice, they think the 2 blinks bother him. Oh my, so different from me!!!!!!! hehe I am learning to let things be. Not easy, but easier than driving myself crazy, so, it is part of the lessons to say, so what, let it be and let them do what they want, respect the RULES. ( :- )

Work problems are easier to let go of. Being alone is easier. There is a trust in the universe that all will be provided and I can stay in my own lessons. It makes me feel happier, therefore if happier, I should attract more.

When I lose the connection, I pray, I get quiet, I get my friend here who is telepathic, she is a whiz on the ouija board, we talk to my guide etc We do reiki, I pray more and I get centered again. sometimes I find a book in my book cases that has the perfect words for me to hear. Since life here is so fleeting, it is important for me to feel conencted to the other side. I am not as good with meditation altho I know it one of the answers. I can be quiet and still though. Love, Leila
_________________
There is that law in life so cruel and so just that demands that one grow or pay more for remaining the same.

[eggnostic]

Leila & Cari, thanks for the kind replies. I have been on that level a few times. During those times it didnt feel like I was in hell anymore. Life still had all its problems, but they were workable. There was space. I could take my pain and turn it to gold. I got so excited - I could do so much good in the world when I was on that level. Then I fell, like everyone does. But I never got back there. Yet my entire life since then has been dedicated to getting back! I am about to start school for contemplative psychology because i want to help tortured souls escape from the prisons they build for themselves - but I may never escape from my own! A master I know does reiki for me. I meditate every day for the last year. I stopped being angry. Started talking to my family again. Saw several therapists but none of them were willing to hurt me in the process of helping me. Maybe they too didn't think it was there "place" to judge what I needed to hear. They were wrong - if it was love that first woke me up then it wore the mask of SHOCK. But everyone who is awake thinks its somehow rude to shock people - how foolish of them! Still I am always looking for those evolutionary catalysts who arn't afraid to use the hammer. I still force myself to do something that scares me every day. Lost hope several times a day. Found it again a few times in a year. Wander still through self-inflicted darkness powerless to light a match! Chaotic Navigation. Ad infinitum. Never gave up.



But nothing fundamental ever shifted, it has all been cosmetic, you see. So I am starting to look at what I really am, not what I think i could be. And lately all I see is someone who is great at manipulating others, still an narcisistic child at heart, with big childish dreams too - just a broken sack of flesh with delusions of granduer. So i'm just practicing how to be ok with all the nasty hurtful parts of myself that we are all supposed to lock away - what else can I do anymore? If I cant kill the demons then i'll try to make friends with them.



And a note about walls. Being aware of your own is not enough to change a damn thing! I wish it were. But I AM aware of it, and so I take responsibility, even if it was NEVER NEVER NEVER in acordance with my true will.